I am usually better about posting at least once a month, so before time slips and I miss July, I am going to just ramble for a minute. I hope you don't mind.
Currently, I'm trying to get time to slow down and speed up, to get me home but to give me more room to get things done. Almost ready to be done, but not quite there.
July has been a bit busy, but great - possibly one of the most rewarding, draining, lifting and challenging months of my service. Every single moment was charged with things. I am a bit sad to say goodbye to July because I feel like I did not give July a moment for reflection, and that is why I hardly wrote here. In fact, hardly wrote anywhere. My journal is lacking in thought, but is back to a travel log. That is going to change tomorrow.
At the very least, I'm starting August right with a trip with two good friends, and a visit to another best friend. Thank god for a home away from home away from home (can you guess?). Expect pictures to flood next week.
You know that feeling when you walk to somewhere new? Even if it's close, it still feels very far away. I had that feeling when I first went to shabbat dinner at the Kaminezki's home. I felt like I was walking and walking up that hill, and even though I knew it was close, the minutes seemed to be snailing. Like every step I made up that hill was a joke to be laughed at until I finally made it to the front door. And then the next time I walked, it felt a bit shorter magically just because I knew where I was going.
And maybe not just shorter, but also easier, and simpler, and lighter. I knew that I'd always get there once, and it's so nice to know that I can get there again. And all those damn steps it took the first time to get there - it was the same amount of steps as last time, but I didn't hate it as much. And maybe even the second or third or fourth time, I hated them as well. I actually did the same thing over and over - counted the minutes, tripped over the same curb, took a wrong turn, miscounted the streets.
But then there was that first time I took the same exact journey that it felt like I finally got it right. All completely right. Like nothing this time or any other time ahead of me in my life of taking those same exact steps was going to get me to trip, fall, or break down. And it's not like this time I said "I'm going to that destination! Let's go!" with more spunk and energy - I just added a different bounce to a few of the steps and made this walk more important than the last time without even knowing. Because I'm here, and it feels closer and more familiar than ever. Almost like I was walking home.
1. Trip home to America was fantastic and fun and easy and normal and stress free 2. Trip home to America made me think about next steps 3. Trip home to America made me miss home, in all ways 4. Trip home to America made me miss Peace Corps friends 5. Trip home to America made me feel ready to take on the last leg. Hello summertime!
Look at this great photo from d&r's engagement party. That's Gilad, me and Daniel (Muths) (duh).
Grüß gott! I am back from an amazing trip to Austria/ Germany with Colette. We traveled around her stomping grounds in Altheim, a small village in Upper Austria, and enjoyed good food, good company, good beer, good air, good grass, good walking, good water, good biking, good showers, good ... actually, maybe it was great. Incredible, even.
We saw a lot of different things in Salzburg, Weng and Altheim, and I met a lot of different friends and family from Colette's life in Austria. It was so refreshing to be away for just a few days and to experience something really beautiful. During our time, I was fortunate enough to attend a wedding in a small village. And now, in just a few days, I'm going back home to celebrate Daniel and Rebecca's engagement.
The trip to Austria, and this upcoming trip to America, has made me think a bit more about construction, physically and emotionally. At the wedding, friends and family lined up to give wedding presents (an Austrian tradition) to the bride and groom. No registry for dishes or coffee makers because this couple had already been together for 10 years, and they had their home and baby. There was no need for linens or silverware, because they had already built most of their lives up and the wedding was more of a formality than anything else. So what was stacked up behind this lovely couple? Trees and bushes ready for planting. Gifts that take time, gifts that require energy, gifts that will give later in life.
I told Colette that sometimes my craving (and American) is set to be immediate: I have lately been interested in the scratch more than the reward of not scratching. I am looking for something to fulfill now, rather than build up. I found it so wonderful that a whole country was invested in investing. A person can go to a store and buy fruit and eat it and throw it away and never think about it again, or a person can plant a tree (etc) and enjoy those fruits with his family for the time to come. In 8 days, I will be celebrating the engagement of my wonderful brother and his beautiful fiance. I hope and wish that everything that they do together is an investment in everything that they want for their future together.
As per Ukraine, I have officially ended my school year duties and I am ready for summer to take charge. With many camps and plans to take place, I am feeling quite ready to build and grow and make the necessary steps in order to set up my investments.
(re: the title is not pronounced as written in English, but rather, in Hungarian).
I'm so tired of teaching sometimes. And I feel so selfish saying this because I do not have much left of the school year (<2 months), or even my service (December 2012 end), for that fact. I am practically not in Ukraine for the month of May, between travels and the holidays, and still, the idea of going to school tomorrow feels... unnecessary.
I have been having a bit of an internal struggle brewing inside of me. Things that I want, and things that I do, and things that I see necessary, and things that I avoid, and things that I act upon, and things that I use, and things that I take, and things that I leave... I spend minutes at school sitting, and thinking, and writing, and wondering about growth, and don't really push myself much further past that. I have switched into "looking for better" mode. Once, a good piece of advice to myself, I use this advice in a poor way and it runs my life. Almost, to an excess. I abuse the power of the countdown, and forget where I am sometimes. As the Change Harvest (4000grv+ - shazaam) and the World Culture projects come to a close, I lose sight of my actual role in my school.
I'm almost ashamed to admit and type the inevitable: what is going to become of me when my school loses me? Or even better, what is going to become of me when I lose my school? I feel like I safeguard myself by weening myself out of the classroom in order to make it easier on myself to remove myself from Ukraine. Almost 10 months of feeling a part of this place, the idea of leaving in 8 months terribly frightens me. Not so much leaving Ukraine - but leaving Dnepropetrovsk.
This city that has been so kind and patient with me - has given me the chance to grow spiritually, and to really learn about what type of person I am. I have no idea if I'd ever be able to accomplish any of this while in America, surrounded by people who know me and would not let me grow up or out or in. I would have had to grow in a specific stream of Avital that was flowing in one direction, when really, my whole being has grown so much more while being alone and figuring out what I actually like to do in my free time. I never thought I would appreciate the countless interviews from Ukrainian children.
So, in short, I'm doing well, and looking for something to keep my chin up. It's spring time, and I'm pretty happy to see things springing up. Hopefully, I'll be able to think as fast as the flowers.
