This week marked the end of a project that I worked on for the past 10 weeks at my school alongside my good friend and fellow volunteer Patrick. During this project, Patrick and I educated Ukrainian students at my school about HIV transmission, prevention and infection. As a final culmination to the seminar, each class was responsible in making a video that would express their understanding of HIV/AIDS in Ukraine and to educate the public on making healthy choices. And now, for the videos:
I feel like I am right at the edge of something. Approaching the end, almost to the goodbyes, practically one foot out the door. And a million different feelings are surfacing. And it's not helping that everyone is asking me how I am feeling about going home because I am admittedly terrified... Of leaving my kitchen where I learned how to bake for fun, or my bed where I figured out how to perfectly sleep, or my school where I am finally loved for my presence, or my city where I can get around without getting lost. Of not feeling comfortable in my own skin and not being supported. Of going back to an old life, and not being active in my new one. Excited about what is next. Excited to see my family. Excited to see my best friends. Excited to be back in a city that is full of culture and life, and excited to feel heat in my toes. Excited to read a book on transportation that isn't bumpy, and excited to smile at people. Excited to communicate and be heard.
When I make banana bread, I have to mix the ingredients together in steps in order to make the best possible batter. After so much time making this treat during my time here in Ukraine, I have officially memorized the recipe and can bake it in almost an hour flat - from start to finish, right from the moment I start measuring out the flour to the moment I pull it out of my soviet style oven. I can't believe how I have perfected using that oven. When I first started using it, I had no idea how to even light it, and now two years later, I have created a perfect relationship with it - I know exactly how much time and energy and love and flour to combine in order to make the best cakes, cupcakes, cookies and lasagnas. This makes me think of all the perfect combinations and collaborations I have had to develop. And also thinking about what makes a perfect product. All of those meetings and dates and dinners and coffees and lessons and seminars and phone calls and bump-ins that were either too long or too quiet or too intense that never went past their initial meaning - that just stayed at the surface definition because there was no balanced collaboration. And then those emails and talks and teas and lunches that did turn into something - something amazing. Almost as delicious as my banana bread. The amount of love and dedication involved in my best moments is immeasurable - not just from my end, but from all of those wonderfully supportive, creative, intelligent and hardworking individuals that were willing to put aside their own stubborn ideas and move forward in order to compromise, negotiate and mix. That is what makes me believe that my best time here in Ukraine did not just come from me, but that my best experiences and growth can be traced back to the combination of good hearts and good minds (Mandela). The only way I grow, and believe the only real path to change can exist, is when I start listening to others and start working with with the right ingredients and support. This applies to most of my larger beliefs about what teamwork can do for our world. It's good I (kinda) know what I'd like to do with my life. It would be very lonely to drink tea and eat banana bread without the right company.
