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This weather is making me totally crazy. First it's beautiful and wonderful outside, and then stormy and windy, and then beautiful, and now rainy. And my whole body is taking it very harshly and it reminds me of this time when I was in Ukraine, and everything outside was just dictating my life. Rainy days were bad days, sunny days were great days, humid days were slow days, cold days were quick days.
Even as beautiful as the idea is, it can get really shaky when a bad day comes out of nowhere. What did I do to deserve the weather? Why couldn't I get some sun today? I think that even as the rain is coming down outside, I'm having a hard time focusing because it's like all my thoughts are melting and draining away.
I started up a few projects in my life, and hopefully this will just get me to be happier without a ton of distraction from Mr. Sun.
Every time spring comes around, I just have that amazing feeling. Here we go again with the blog post... how much am I going to gush about buds and newness this time around. And now that I'm in America, it's like a totally different type of new to gush about.
This is it, part two of the year when we get a second chance to re-up and re-boot, but what is so special about this particular month is that this is the actual source of our year where new ideas and feelings come from. Back in the fall it was about routine and reflecting on the previous year and understanding actions. Now, it is about seeing what comes next.
All of the light that we've been waiting for is starting to come back into our lives, and it is just beautiful. It is hard to appreciate living when everything is so dark around us, but when we recognize the awe around us, and the life that is just jumping up everywhere, it's easy to feel good about what is coming next. When things are light around us, we can see clearly and we are able to move forward and to make choices without the cloudy gray.
I had a terribly emotional week last week, and I am sure it won't be the last until I am with two strong feet on the ground (are we ever fully on the ground?). But with the added light, I think it will be easier to make choices and keep on.
I am very nervous to publish my first blog post post-Peace Corps.
The past few months have been challenging, but a different type of challenging that is so far from what I was used to experiencing while I was in Peace Corps. In Ukraine, I was making the active choice to be in a foreign country, work in a foreign school, eat foreign food and meet foreign friends. My life, at times, was sad and draining and difficult, but it was the choice I made in order to be a better person. I believed that traveling across the world would reveal certain parts of my personality, and that I would grow to know myself a little bit better. I was right. I grew a ton and know a lot more about myself and I am fully confident that the choice to join the Peace Corps was the only right choice.
So, in the spirit of trying to get back on track and to keep myself interesting and focused, I am going to re-amp and re-up by taking on this blog again and to start considering my thoughts more seriously. This blog used to serve as a place to exercise my brain, and that is what I need to do to get myself to be active in my life.
The past three months have been busy, but not active and I need to remind myself that being interesting means making choices - getting back out there and learning, taking classes, meeting people, showing up and most of all, being and thinking about what I want and going for it.
